Series: Unique Ways to Make Your Wedding Special

My parents spent fifteen years photographing weddings and it always amazed me when a couple added that little something that made their wedding unique, personal and very romantic.

This gown was created out of the silk from the groom's parachute, that saved his life in World War II. The dress later went on to be worn by the couple's daughter and daughter-in-law before being donated to the Smithsonian.

http://newsdesk.si.edu/snapshot/parachute-wedding-dress

When I was selling wedding gowns, one of my favorite brides, incorporated a bit of her love story into the flower arrangements.  On the couple's first date, the groom, a very big, stern looking police officer, had brought hot pink tulips.  Two years later, she walked down the aisle carrying a nearly identical bouquet.

One of my parent's couples left their wedding reception at Lake Tahoe in her family's restored antique boat.  Another family (for whom my parents photographed all four weddings) used Dad's prized antique car. Another bride, a pre-school teacher, invited 20 something preschoolers to take part in her wedding as attendants.  The wedding was a bit chaotic, but the couple's love of children and incredible sense of humor shined through every photograph.

A dear friend of mine married her sweetheart five years to the day after their first date, on Winter Solstice. They incorporated Christmas trees, customs from both of their ethnic backgrounds, and stockings for the children who attended.  It's one of the most memorable weddings I've been to because it was one full of love (her dad's toast made everyone cry) and their sense of fun.

Whatever part of your love story you chose to incorporate, it will add to the uniqueness, the sweetness and the joy of your clebration.

Buying a gown

The wedding gown has become an icon in Western culture.  Many wedding professionals  use your gown as a guide to your style. Everyone you know will have an opinion about what you should wear, and there are literally, thousands of choices available.

I used to sell wedding gowns.  It was a job that was frustrating, entertaining and challenging. My expereinces, however, can benefit you.  Here's all my best advice about gown shopping in a convient list format.

• Get an idea about what you think you want before you head to a store.  Once you walk in and see a thousand dresses hanging up, it' get's overwhelming.
• Make appointments to guarantee you will have time with at a salon.
• For the first few rounds of shopping, take only one or two people who know your taste and want to help you look your best.  I can't tell you how many times I had a bride with an entire entourage (every single one of them with their own agenda) and no clue about what she wanted.  It makes for craziness.  Narrow down your choices first, then bring the whole crowd for the final round (once you've narrowed the selections to two or three).  This will make life much easier for you and your bridal consultant.
• Be open to trying on a couple of suggestions that you hadn't considered.  A good bridal consultant will know the store's stock, the dressmaker's offerings and have experience with the best gowns for your shape.  You could be pleasantly surprised to find the perfect dress isn't one you had thought of.
• Also, don't be afraid to ask for a different consultant if the one you start out with isn't a good match.
• Gowns from most lower and mid range dressmakers will take 8-12 weeks for delivery and then alterations will take about 2-3 weeks on top.  Give yourself time.
• Get recommendations from people about seamstresses.  Trust me when I say some "professionals" are not.
• If you are looking for a unique gown, try etsy or other artisan sites.  For period clothing, try Renstore.com, Victorian Trading Co., Amazon Dry Goods, Folkware (patterns only), or vintage clothing stores.
• Bridesmaids dresses are a great alternative for less formal or inexpensive events.  They are also available in a rainbow of colors.
• Your gown should be ordered in your current size and altered to fit. Don't bank on losing weight to fit a smaller gown.  Also, don't freak out when you see the number on the size chart.  Formal wear is often sized differently from your everyday clothing.
• If you can spend time during the week to shop for your gown, you will get more time and better service than on the weekends.
• Don't let people talk you into things you hate.  You can try them on and discard them, but don't settle.
• Have fun!

Happy shopping!

Invitations

Did you know that are actually enough rules about wedding stationary etiquette to fill a large book?  Really.  I read it.  Very dull, frequently outdated and pricey.  Here is my short(er) and simple(r) guide for invitations.

Start looking for invitations 3-4 months before you need them.  If ordering from a printer or thermographer, expect them to take around two weeks.  Engraving takes longer.  Printing at home is quicker, but in my experience, it adds unnecessary stress.  A professional can make the invitation process much quicker and easier.

Picking an invitation can be daunting.  there are literally thousands of options to choose from.  The invitation is typically the first glimpse guests have of your event, but you don't have to do anything elaborate or flashy.  A simple white or ivory card with black or grey lettering is the classic for a reason.

• If your invitation requires assembly (like ribbon tying or difficult folding, make sure you will have time to deal with this.  
• Be careful when you pick a font- if it's too difficult to read, some guests may not be able to read it.  If you are absolutely in love with ornate curling fonts (I love Spencerian calligraphy), consider using it only for your names, while printing the rest of the invitation in a more readable font.  
• You don't have to spend a fortune on your invitations.  Most people will throw them away eventually.
• Postage on wedding invitations is nearly always more than a first class stamp will cover.  Take a completed invitation to the post office to have postage calculated before you send them out, or you will end up mailing them twice, which gets expensive.

Wording your invitation is a bit tricky.  Old ettiquette rules are still followed by most couples.  These are the three most common combinations I saw when I was doing wedding stationary orders.

Formal, traditional

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents

request the honour of your presence 

at the marriage of their daughter

Bride's First and Middle Names

and

Groom's Full Name

on Saturday, the eight of Month

Two thousand and eleven

at time o'clock

Location Name

Location address

City, State/Provence

Please note that honour should be spelled with a "u" on wedding invitations.  Honor without is reserved for military and funerary purposes.  You can also substitute handfasting, hand fasting, commitment ceremony or wedding in the place of marriage.  The groom's parents can be included under the groom's name by adding a "son of" line and the following line of their names.  A verse, short poem or quote can be included at the top of the invitation if you like.

Formal- bride and groom inviting

Bride's Name

and 

Groom's Name

request the honor of your presence

at their marriage

on Saturday, the day of the Month

Two thousand and eleven

at time o'clock

Location Name

Location Address

City and State/Provence

Informal, traditional

Bride's Parents

request the pleasure of your company 

at the wedding of their daughter

Bride's Name

and 

Groom's Name

on Saturday, the day of Month,

Two thousand and eleven

Location Name

Location Address

City, State/Provence

Reception cards need not be included if the reception directly follows the ceremony in the same location.  If not, include reception cards.  Pre-addressed and stamped RSVP cards will make your life a little easier when get a guest count, but keep in mind, that you will probably have to call or email a few people who won't respond.  The reception card is a good place to specify attire, no gifts please or no children.  Even better, pass the message along through word of mouth.

Invitations are a necessary and time consuming part of wedding planning.  The options and etiquette are dizzying, I know.  It took years for me to get to the point I could just do this without reference.  If you need help, contact me here, or contact a professional stationer in your area.

  

Avoiding Bridezilla

Weddings are stressful, and anytime we are under unusual stress, the potential for flaring tempers increases exponentially.  Bridezilla, a rather recent term for an old phenomenon, is now part of our slang (I used to call it going bridal when I was in the wedding business).  It describes a bride who loses sight of what's important in planning a wedding and who becomes unbearable and selfish, alienating everyone around her.

Very few people plan to let wedding stress turn them into monsters, but it happens (three days before my wedding, I rather rudely informed a bride getting married a week after me that I couldn't give a shit about her problem, because the tuxedos for my wedding and three others were MIA- while I was at work at a bridal shop).  Here is my advice for keeping things in perspective, both as a bride and as a former wedding professional:

• The goal of planning a wedding is to have a marriage after all is said and done.
• When dealing with wedding professionals, remember, they talk to brides all the time.  To them, your wedding is one of many.  Expect courtesy and professionalism from them, not special treatment (especially if you are asking for more than your contract spells out).
• You want to still be on good terms with your friends and family after the wedding, so don't let little things like picking out bridesmaids dresses or using a different DJ become fights.
• You can't please everybody, but you can take a moment to listen to what people say, even if you don't do what they want you to do.  "I'll keep that in mind" and "Thanks for the advice" are handy phrases.  Noncommittal and polite is the way to go.
• Every wedding I have ever been to or worked on had a disaster of some degree.  You can't control the weather, other people or traffic.  Chances are, your guests will never be aware of the problem unless it's pointed out to them.
• Kids are kids, not miniature adults.  Don't expect anything else.
• Some people will not like your choices.  Develop a duck's back against criticism.
• Your significant other loves you for who you are, and that is what really matters.
• Don't forget to say "please", "thank you" and "I'm sorry".

Going a little crazy while planning a wedding is normal.  Keep the stress reactions to a minimum and everyone will thank you for it.  If you feel overwhelmed, stop and take a breather.  Ignore your planning for a few days, go for walk or put your foot down to prevent yourself from being walked all over.  Smile, be happy, and keep your eyes on the prize.  This will all be over before you know it.

Ceremony Choices

Your ceremony is the most important part of your wedding day, as it is the time that will transform you from single persons to a married couple.  It is when you will make your promises to each other, in front of gods and witnesses.  Obviously, it will take quite a bit of attention to plan.

For Pagans and Wiccans, one of the first steps to planning will be to determine what type of ceremony you prefer.  Are you looking for a legally binding ceremony, if so, you will need to verify what the legal requirements are in your area.  It varies wildly, so do your homework.  Will you need to apply for a marriage license?  What are the requirements?  Some places require blood tests, others documents as well as identification.  Is there a waiting period?  Where do you go to apply?  How much does it cost? What should you bring?  If don't care about legalities, you will still need to make some decisions.

Are you planning a highly ritualized ceremony in a circle?  Something more "traditional" or is something in between more your speed?  The answers to these questions is obviously dependent upon how "out of the broom closet" you are and the dynamics and acceptance levels of your friends and family.  Personally, my wedding was a blend.  It was legally binding in California, and symbolic enough to suit my religious views, but not so unusual that people were uncomfortable (my husband's family often pretends not to know about my Pagan beliefs, and he is an atheist himself).  We blended the traditional wedding ceremony with pagan symbolism and our own personalities. For details, see my About Me page.

A very religious handfasting ceremony will require it's own questions that are best addressed by your officiating Priest or Priestess.  Each specific group will have it's own version of a handfasting ceremony.  Will you include non-pagan guests?  How will you pass the word about circle etiquette?  What will you vow?

Your ceremony should reflect your relationship.  Your promises should be reasonable to the two of you who are making them, not other people.  Discuss what you both expect from your ceremony and go from there, speaking with your officiant, your families and your friends for support, guidance and suggestions.

Wedding Checklist: 12 months and earlier

Here is the first part of a wedding checklist, tweaked and edited for handfastings!  Most of these things are interchangeable with a more traditional wedding, but some are not.  I realize that it is a short list, but there isn't too much to do before then!

12+ Months

• What do you want your handfasting to look like?  Now is the time to decide on a tentative theme.  Backyard, fancy, elegant, beach, etc.  Make sure there is room for a circle to be cast.
• Decide on a budget and decide who will contribute what.  This is a good meeting to have with both of your families.
• Decide on a date and time.  Keep in mind you may want to look at astrology books, or decide based on the wheel of the year.
• If you are having a traditional white dress, start looking now.  If you are going with something more Witchy, you can find several websites that sell dresses.  You could also give some thought to hiring a seamstress.

The next portion of the checklist will be posted next week.  A big part of planning a wedding or handfasting is not to rush, regardless of how much time you have or don't.  Checklists always help!

Coming Soon!

Stacy and I are working hard at getting the tone and schedule of this blog working.  In the near future, please look for our narratives about our weddings, a checklist to help you with your planning, some witchy wedding products and advice about crafting your ceremony, writing invitations and wheel of the year crafts to enhance your event!

Getting started

There are many decisions to make as you plan your wedding, hand fasting or commitment ceremony.  One of the best ways to do this is to sit down with your significant other and talk about what you each want.  Are you looking for something intimate and simple or something grand?  Do you want your union to be legally recognized (you will need to research the legalities involved in getting married in you area- don't worry, we'll come back to this topic in a later post)?  What reflects the two of you and your relationship? When do you want to get married?

Once you've had this discussion.  Buy a couple of wedding magazines.  What jumps out at you?  A season, a type of location, a color?  Save pictures in a notebook, write notes-especially about the emotions the photos evoke.  Have fun, dream a little.

Keep your eyes open for inspiration, it can be anywhere.  Save color chips, fabric swatches and photos; it will help you keep organized and inspired.  Don't be afraid to have fun and be creative.

Welcome to Witchy Weddings

Congratulations on you upcoming wedding!

Weddings are personal and public at the same time.  There exists a variety traditions- religious and cultural, that as a bride or groom, you will need to wade through, make decisions about and implement.  We're here to help, with suggestions, advice and sometimes humorous stories of the excitement of weddings and wedding planning.

Stay tuned for lots of info!