Tradition- connecting past to present

Weddings are a rite in which we begin to think about tradition.  For some people, who have strong family tradition or ethnic tradition  this is easy to do.  For some of us, it's very hard.  I'm from a family that lacks inter-generational traditions, but the idea appealed to me.

At my wedding, I wore pearls that had been a gift from my great grandmother, who I adored, to my grandmother, who I didn't. My mom had ended up with them, and I wore them as a connection to my great-grandma who had passed away not long before I got married.  They still belong to my mom, but that day, they were a link to the past.  I also wore my mom's best friend's  (who, now, is my aunt by marriage and who can no longer remember me due to Alzheimer's) sapphire ring.  She has loaned that ring to other brides, and it has been a good luck charm. One day, I hope to see her daughter wear that ring at her wedding.  Although the tradition wasn't from my family, it was one from a dear friend who was there with me that day.

When looking for traditions to incorporate in your celebration, don't limit yourself to just your family or to those that are well known.  If nothing speaks to you, start your own tradition, one that is part of your love and your life.  Carry flowers that your significant other likes to buy for you (I had a bride, back when I was selling wedding gowns who carried hot pink tulips because that's what her groom always bought for her), get married on the anniversary of your first date (a friend of mine did this and it was so sweet that nearly everyone cried over that detail), play that song that you both listened to in the car at the reception ( my husband still reaches out to hold my hand when he hears a Cars song come one the radio). If your late grandfather loved growing roses, carry one (or an image of one) with you.  Be creative and get personal.

Traditions are reminders of our pasts, and when we pass them along, we connect past, present and future, which is a beautiful and powerful idea.  Traditions doesn't need to be direct, and they can start with us as individuals.  

"Greening" your celebration

For many Pagans I know, caring for the earth is not only a life style choice, it is part of their religious practice.  Being green is an everyday choice, so their celebrations should reflect that, too.

Here's a few simple and somewhat straightforward ideas for having a greener wedding, handfasting, or commitment celebration.  The list is by no means exhaustive, but they can serve as a starting point for planning.

Local

• Less travel= less CO2 emissions
• Local flowers not only require less travelling, they are less likely to spread nuisance pests and non-native seeds into new areas.

Reusable

• Living plants can not only make your celebration lush and beautiful, they can double as gifts and favors, and they live on long after the day is over. You can also try reselling potted trees and shrubs locally to another couple celebrating or plant them at your home.
• Cloth napkins and real dishes can be rented from party suppliers, and they are used hundreds of times by the time they meet the end of their life.
• Look for decorations that might be put to use for other celebrations: buntings can be rehung at barbecues, candle holders can be incorporated into your home decor or holiday decorations.
• Tulle, burlap or muslin can be used to fill in center pieces, spruce up chairs, decorate tables, and hide unsightly areas.  They also can be reused for craft projects later.

Recyclable

• If you must have non-reusable tableware for your event (no, I'm not judging, I'm just pointing out that it does happen), think about recyclable and/or compostable products.  You can find them at party supply stores, or get customized versions through etsy. Also look for the Forest Stewardship Council stamp for items manufactured without harming old growth forests.
• Wedding stationary is notorious for not being recyclable.  When you're looking, look for items that don't include plastic coatings or foil.  Many stationary suppliers now offer recyclable and eco-friendly papers.

Seasonal

• Seasonal foods and flowers require less travel, and therefore, less fuel.
• Seasonal foods are also less hard on the climate than items that have to be forced to grow in greenhouses or factory farms. These methods also contribute significantly to global warming.
• Seasonal often means more abundant, which also tends to equal savings.  

Also, I put together an etsy treasury for some "green" wedding ideas.  Take a look: http://www.etsy.com/treasury/MTAxNTMyNTF8MjcyMjc3NjMyNA/witchy-weddings-green-and-fresh

Buying a gown

The wedding gown has become an icon in Western culture.  Many wedding professionals  use your gown as a guide to your style. Everyone you know will have an opinion about what you should wear, and there are literally, thousands of choices available.

I used to sell wedding gowns.  It was a job that was frustrating, entertaining and challenging. My expereinces, however, can benefit you.  Here's all my best advice about gown shopping in a convient list format.

• Get an idea about what you think you want before you head to a store.  Once you walk in and see a thousand dresses hanging up, it' get's overwhelming.
• Make appointments to guarantee you will have time with at a salon.
• For the first few rounds of shopping, take only one or two people who know your taste and want to help you look your best.  I can't tell you how many times I had a bride with an entire entourage (every single one of them with their own agenda) and no clue about what she wanted.  It makes for craziness.  Narrow down your choices first, then bring the whole crowd for the final round (once you've narrowed the selections to two or three).  This will make life much easier for you and your bridal consultant.
• Be open to trying on a couple of suggestions that you hadn't considered.  A good bridal consultant will know the store's stock, the dressmaker's offerings and have experience with the best gowns for your shape.  You could be pleasantly surprised to find the perfect dress isn't one you had thought of.
• Also, don't be afraid to ask for a different consultant if the one you start out with isn't a good match.
• Gowns from most lower and mid range dressmakers will take 8-12 weeks for delivery and then alterations will take about 2-3 weeks on top.  Give yourself time.
• Get recommendations from people about seamstresses.  Trust me when I say some "professionals" are not.
• If you are looking for a unique gown, try etsy or other artisan sites.  For period clothing, try Renstore.com, Victorian Trading Co., Amazon Dry Goods, Folkware (patterns only), or vintage clothing stores.
• Bridesmaids dresses are a great alternative for less formal or inexpensive events.  They are also available in a rainbow of colors.
• Your gown should be ordered in your current size and altered to fit. Don't bank on losing weight to fit a smaller gown.  Also, don't freak out when you see the number on the size chart.  Formal wear is often sized differently from your everyday clothing.
• If you can spend time during the week to shop for your gown, you will get more time and better service than on the weekends.
• Don't let people talk you into things you hate.  You can try them on and discard them, but don't settle.
• Have fun!

Happy shopping!

Invitations

Did you know that are actually enough rules about wedding stationary etiquette to fill a large book?  Really.  I read it.  Very dull, frequently outdated and pricey.  Here is my short(er) and simple(r) guide for invitations.

Start looking for invitations 3-4 months before you need them.  If ordering from a printer or thermographer, expect them to take around two weeks.  Engraving takes longer.  Printing at home is quicker, but in my experience, it adds unnecessary stress.  A professional can make the invitation process much quicker and easier.

Picking an invitation can be daunting.  there are literally thousands of options to choose from.  The invitation is typically the first glimpse guests have of your event, but you don't have to do anything elaborate or flashy.  A simple white or ivory card with black or grey lettering is the classic for a reason.

• If your invitation requires assembly (like ribbon tying or difficult folding, make sure you will have time to deal with this.  
• Be careful when you pick a font- if it's too difficult to read, some guests may not be able to read it.  If you are absolutely in love with ornate curling fonts (I love Spencerian calligraphy), consider using it only for your names, while printing the rest of the invitation in a more readable font.  
• You don't have to spend a fortune on your invitations.  Most people will throw them away eventually.
• Postage on wedding invitations is nearly always more than a first class stamp will cover.  Take a completed invitation to the post office to have postage calculated before you send them out, or you will end up mailing them twice, which gets expensive.

Wording your invitation is a bit tricky.  Old ettiquette rules are still followed by most couples.  These are the three most common combinations I saw when I was doing wedding stationary orders.

Formal, traditional

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents

request the honour of your presence 

at the marriage of their daughter

Bride's First and Middle Names

and

Groom's Full Name

on Saturday, the eight of Month

Two thousand and eleven

at time o'clock

Location Name

Location address

City, State/Provence

Please note that honour should be spelled with a "u" on wedding invitations.  Honor without is reserved for military and funerary purposes.  You can also substitute handfasting, hand fasting, commitment ceremony or wedding in the place of marriage.  The groom's parents can be included under the groom's name by adding a "son of" line and the following line of their names.  A verse, short poem or quote can be included at the top of the invitation if you like.

Formal- bride and groom inviting

Bride's Name

and 

Groom's Name

request the honor of your presence

at their marriage

on Saturday, the day of the Month

Two thousand and eleven

at time o'clock

Location Name

Location Address

City and State/Provence

Informal, traditional

Bride's Parents

request the pleasure of your company 

at the wedding of their daughter

Bride's Name

and 

Groom's Name

on Saturday, the day of Month,

Two thousand and eleven

Location Name

Location Address

City, State/Provence

Reception cards need not be included if the reception directly follows the ceremony in the same location.  If not, include reception cards.  Pre-addressed and stamped RSVP cards will make your life a little easier when get a guest count, but keep in mind, that you will probably have to call or email a few people who won't respond.  The reception card is a good place to specify attire, no gifts please or no children.  Even better, pass the message along through word of mouth.

Invitations are a necessary and time consuming part of wedding planning.  The options and etiquette are dizzying, I know.  It took years for me to get to the point I could just do this without reference.  If you need help, contact me here, or contact a professional stationer in your area.

  

Avoiding Bridezilla

Weddings are stressful, and anytime we are under unusual stress, the potential for flaring tempers increases exponentially.  Bridezilla, a rather recent term for an old phenomenon, is now part of our slang (I used to call it going bridal when I was in the wedding business).  It describes a bride who loses sight of what's important in planning a wedding and who becomes unbearable and selfish, alienating everyone around her.

Very few people plan to let wedding stress turn them into monsters, but it happens (three days before my wedding, I rather rudely informed a bride getting married a week after me that I couldn't give a shit about her problem, because the tuxedos for my wedding and three others were MIA- while I was at work at a bridal shop).  Here is my advice for keeping things in perspective, both as a bride and as a former wedding professional:

• The goal of planning a wedding is to have a marriage after all is said and done.
• When dealing with wedding professionals, remember, they talk to brides all the time.  To them, your wedding is one of many.  Expect courtesy and professionalism from them, not special treatment (especially if you are asking for more than your contract spells out).
• You want to still be on good terms with your friends and family after the wedding, so don't let little things like picking out bridesmaids dresses or using a different DJ become fights.
• You can't please everybody, but you can take a moment to listen to what people say, even if you don't do what they want you to do.  "I'll keep that in mind" and "Thanks for the advice" are handy phrases.  Noncommittal and polite is the way to go.
• Every wedding I have ever been to or worked on had a disaster of some degree.  You can't control the weather, other people or traffic.  Chances are, your guests will never be aware of the problem unless it's pointed out to them.
• Kids are kids, not miniature adults.  Don't expect anything else.
• Some people will not like your choices.  Develop a duck's back against criticism.
• Your significant other loves you for who you are, and that is what really matters.
• Don't forget to say "please", "thank you" and "I'm sorry".

Going a little crazy while planning a wedding is normal.  Keep the stress reactions to a minimum and everyone will thank you for it.  If you feel overwhelmed, stop and take a breather.  Ignore your planning for a few days, go for walk or put your foot down to prevent yourself from being walked all over.  Smile, be happy, and keep your eyes on the prize.  This will all be over before you know it.

Ceremony Choices

Your ceremony is the most important part of your wedding day, as it is the time that will transform you from single persons to a married couple.  It is when you will make your promises to each other, in front of gods and witnesses.  Obviously, it will take quite a bit of attention to plan.

For Pagans and Wiccans, one of the first steps to planning will be to determine what type of ceremony you prefer.  Are you looking for a legally binding ceremony, if so, you will need to verify what the legal requirements are in your area.  It varies wildly, so do your homework.  Will you need to apply for a marriage license?  What are the requirements?  Some places require blood tests, others documents as well as identification.  Is there a waiting period?  Where do you go to apply?  How much does it cost? What should you bring?  If don't care about legalities, you will still need to make some decisions.

Are you planning a highly ritualized ceremony in a circle?  Something more "traditional" or is something in between more your speed?  The answers to these questions is obviously dependent upon how "out of the broom closet" you are and the dynamics and acceptance levels of your friends and family.  Personally, my wedding was a blend.  It was legally binding in California, and symbolic enough to suit my religious views, but not so unusual that people were uncomfortable (my husband's family often pretends not to know about my Pagan beliefs, and he is an atheist himself).  We blended the traditional wedding ceremony with pagan symbolism and our own personalities. For details, see my About Me page.

A very religious handfasting ceremony will require it's own questions that are best addressed by your officiating Priest or Priestess.  Each specific group will have it's own version of a handfasting ceremony.  Will you include non-pagan guests?  How will you pass the word about circle etiquette?  What will you vow?

Your ceremony should reflect your relationship.  Your promises should be reasonable to the two of you who are making them, not other people.  Discuss what you both expect from your ceremony and go from there, speaking with your officiant, your families and your friends for support, guidance and suggestions.

Coming Soon!

Stacy and I are working hard at getting the tone and schedule of this blog working.  In the near future, please look for our narratives about our weddings, a checklist to help you with your planning, some witchy wedding products and advice about crafting your ceremony, writing invitations and wheel of the year crafts to enhance your event!

Welcome to Witchy Weddings

Congratulations on you upcoming wedding!

Weddings are personal and public at the same time.  There exists a variety traditions- religious and cultural, that as a bride or groom, you will need to wade through, make decisions about and implement.  We're here to help, with suggestions, advice and sometimes humorous stories of the excitement of weddings and wedding planning.

Stay tuned for lots of info!